


Five Stories Astoria Greengrass Did Not Write

by Slumber



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Five Times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-01
Updated: 2011-08-01
Packaged: 2017-11-11 17:22:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/480994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slumber/pseuds/Slumber
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zacharias Smith works in the News department of The Daily Prophet. Astoria Greengrass is in Features. Zacharias has a hard time figuring out what that means.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Stories Astoria Greengrass Did Not Write

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://rarepair-shorts.livejournal.com/405122.html) for the prompt: I resent your misguided understanding of things you don't understand. Written for [](http://mugglechump.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**mugglechump**](http://mugglechump.dreamwidth.org/) at [](http://www.dreamwidth.org/profile?user=rarepair_shorts)[**rarepair_shorts**](http://www.dreamwidth.org/profile?user=rarepair_shorts) ' 2011 Summer Wishlist fest.

**i. Hufflepuffs: Secret Addictions behind Greenhouse #3**

"Oy, Greengrass!"

Astoria rolls her eyes. Zacharias Smith had poked his head into Features, waving the day's Prophet around like some Hufflepuff loon. "Yes?" she asks, because her mother had raised her to be polite, even in the face of--whatever Zacharias is.

"What is this nonsense?" he asks, thrusting the second page of the Prophet in her face.

"Apparently there is a growing concern for the amount of time Hufflepuffs are spending in the greenhouse?" she says after reading the headline. "Just a guess. I could be wrong."

"There are no illegal substances behind greenhouse #3! You can't write about things that aren't true!"

Astoria sighs. She pinches the bridge of her nose and takes in a deep breath. "First of all, I'm in _Features_ , and this is in _News_ ," she says. "Secondly, the byline clearly says it's Amanda Carmichael who wrote it."

"Oh."

 

**ii. Are the Arrows Doomed to Miss the Championships?**

"I don't even _like_ Quidditch," Astoria protests. "Why would I write rubbish about it?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Zacharias does a double take. "What." His eyes bug out and he nearly chokes on his sandwich. "What do you _mean_ , you don't like Quidditch? Who _doesn't_ like Quidditch?"

Astoria wrinkles her nose. "It's just not a very fair game, is it? You make such a big deal of signing chasers and beaters and keepers, but at the end of the day it's a seekers' game. It doesn't matter how many goals you score if catching the snitch is all you need to win."

Zacharias stares at her for a long moment. "That is just messed up," he says finally. "That is messed up and _completely_ misguided."

Astoria raises an eyebrow. "It's fact, is what it is. And the Arrows _will_ miss the championships because all you've got to show for your lineup is an aging seeker and an unproven chaser."

"Okay, hang on a second here. First of all, _Aidan Lynch is a national treasure_ \--"

"Isn't he Irish?"

"--in Ireland, which still _counts_ , goddammit, they've won the World Cup!"

" _Ten_ years ago!"

" _Secondly_ , Davies is one of the best chasers Hogwarts has produced since Gwenog Jones--"

"She's a beater, Smith."

"One of the best _players_ Hogwarts has produced since Gwenog Jones--"

"No, I think Oliver Wood has to rank up there too."

Zacharias glares at her. "I thought you didn't like Quidditch?"

"I don't."

"How come you know so much about it?"

Astoria smirks. "How am I supposed to make fun of delusional Arrows fans when it's crystal clear that the Falcons are winning the Quidditch League this year?"

 

**iii. Why Blondes Don't Have More Fun**

"You're just jealous you aren't blonde like your sister," Zacharias tells her.

"You're right; I am _absolutely_ jealous everyone thinks she's the prettier Greengrass."

Zacharias blinks. "That's not what I said."

Astoria shrugs. "It's Orla Quirke who wrote that anyway. You can go bother her if you have a problem with it."

"I didn't say I had a problem with it."

"You're obviously blond, and you're obviously going to insist next that you _do_ have more fun," Astoria says, giving him a curious look. "Right?"

"This is a Lifestyle piece--didn't you have to approve it?"

"My writers can write whatever they want. What are you doing here anyway? Don't you have Quidditch games to report on?"

"I'm in News, not Sports."

"Don't you have any news-related Quidditch games to report on?"

"I guess," he says, but he doesn't immediately move. "Hey."

"Hm?"

"Blonds do have more fun, just so you know. I'll be happy to prove it too."

Astoria cocks her head to the side. "Are you challenging me to a fun-off?"

Zacharias grins.

 

**iv. Dear Annabelle**

"I think you should tell this Agonising Girl to just ask her bloke out."

"Excuse me?"

Zacharias clears his throat, then he begins reading off page 10. " _Dear Annabelle,_ " he says with a painfully embarrassing falsetto, " _There's a guy that I can't stop thinking about--_ "

"About whom I can't stop thinking."

"That's not what it says here."

"It's what it should."

" _\--and I think he's really fit, but I don't know what he thinks of me._ "

"We published that drivel in the advice column?"

" _He keeps bothering me and I think he checked me out one time at a party, but he's a large PITA most of the time_ \--what's that?"

"What's what?"

"PITA."

"It's a kind of bread--"

"Seriously."

"Pain in the ass," Astoria says with a raised eyebrow. "You've never heard of that term before?"

"Huh. No." Zacharias continues reading. " _Long story short, I find him real attractive but I don't know if we'll make a good match. I might sooner throttle him than jump him. Or vice versa._ "

Astoria makes a tut-tutting sound. "Terrible conundrum."

" _Signed, Agonising Girl._ "

"What did Annabelle say?"

"Something about waiting for the right man to come along. Looks aren't everything, or some such lie like that," Zacharias says with a frown. "Don't you write the advice?"

" _Features_ , Smith," Astoria sighs. "I write features. Human interest, interviews, etcetera. Annabelle Cowley answers the letters addressed to Annabelle."

"Does she really?"

"I suspect she has to, since there is no other Annabelle in the Prophet."

"Thought that was a pseudonym. Anyway, you should tell her that her reply is rubbish. Agonising Girl's judging her bloke based on looks and first impressions--what if he's somewhere in between those?"

"You should take that up with Annabelle herself," Astoria tells him, nodding at Annabelle, who is sitting not three desks away.

"It's a bit awkward, don't you think?"

"Well, if you feel very strongly about your opinion--"

"Agonising Girl, I meant," Zacharias says. "Why do you suppose she calls herself that?"

"As opposed to her real name?"

"As opposed to 'Girl in Agony' or 'Confused' or something else." Zacharias chews on the tip of his quill.

"You'll poison yourself with ink if you keep doing that."

"I think it's code. She's not even really in agony or anything. Hey, Astoria Greengrass."

"I am not Agonising Girl!"

"Didn't say you were, but I'm glad you came to the same conclusion I did anyway," Zacharias says breezily. Then, without skipping a beat: "Wanna go out with me?"

 

**v. Page Six Exclusive: Greengrass Heiress Finds Love**

"That's a bit awkward."

"It's mortifying, is what it is."

"We're never supposed to be news."

"It's difficult, though. I _am_ an heiress. Technically I _can_ be news."

"Did you write this?"

Astoria glares at him. "Why would I? That's just tacky!"

"Doesn't this count as a feature?" Zacharias holds up the offending page.

" _Society_ , Smith, is Romilda Vane territory."

Zacharias studies the photo, a stolen moment shot of the two of them at the Greengrass spring ball a few nights ago. "So what do you _actually_ write?"

"Features." Astoria snatches the paper away. "Urgh, I knew I should have worn a different dress. I look hideous."

"You look fine. I should know; I work in News. Facts only."

"Yes, because you clearly find anything else beyond that difficult to grasp."

Zacharias takes the paper back. He cuts out the photo and caption and sticks it onto his fridge.

"Really?"

He circles his hand around her wrist and tugs her onto his lap. His favorite Arrows shirt is too big on her, its hem reaching mid-thigh. He lets his fingers graze the skin just beneath it. "Yeah, why not?" He presses a kiss to her neck. "S'cute."

Astoria makes a face. "You have no taste," she says, settling onto his lap. "Actually--"

"Hm?"

" _I_ have no taste." She cups his face and leans to close the gap between their lips.


End file.
